-The History of the Fork According to Brownmajik

Well, I was filling out the profile section of this BLOG and came across an interesting twist to the everyday profile. The RANDOM QUESTION. You see, at the end of the profile section in Blogger, they generate a random question which, unless you're a presumtuous ass or a complete dullard and all around wanker you would lovingly respond to with a RANDOM ANSWER. Well, I'm the king of random. I eat random pies and shit random flowers afterward, so believe me when I say, I am the king of random. Since, in their infinate wisdom, Blogger only allows you to give a 400 character answer (which is sillier than play-dough shit) I figured I'd give this the attention it deserves.

Here's the question:
Do you believe that Forks evolved from Spoons?

Here's my answer (it's long, but it's worth it, just like my johnson):

Yes, and I'll tell you why. The fork was originally used as an instrument of death. It was called the spear, or in some cases the trident. Some early man-guy thought "Shit, this thing is balanced all wrong for putting crap I stabbed with it in my mouth. We're gonna have to think of a redesign, here." So he and his friend, Wallace (look, I didn't name the guy, ok?) set about creating a hand held item that could kill small game, and then be used to lovingly place said small game gently into their mouths. As an early attempt and, quite by accident, they stumbled onto the first spoon. Ya see, Wallace was going through prototypes like a crazed Lockheed-Martin engineer on ludes and red bull. He got the handle part down early. Short was good, long was clumsy. He got that. But how could it be used to stab and not hurt the end user? "You see, in engineering," Wallace thought "the end user is the king. If it's not easily deployed by the end user, it's shite." So at first, Wallace made it smooth, not pronged or "forked." While this design was great at holding liquids and some relatively stable solids (and mixtures of the two), it was absolute crap for stabbing shit. So Wallace decided to carve notches in the rounded portion. When asked how he was progressing Wallace replied, mid-bite "Soon." But to his partner, it sounded like "Spoon," as Wallace had the contraption and it's contents stuffed into his pie hole (pies would be invented later, so be patient, as this story isn't about pies at all). Having eventually perfected the new tool, Wallace set about hunting down his first victim, a tiny, but wily lizard. At first Wallace attempted to employ the fork like a spear, but the lack of mass was a detriment and coupled with the poor aerodynamic qualities of the new invention (algebra was a few vagillion millenia in the future, mind you), he continually missed. In desperate frustration, Wallace uttered the first "mother of all curse words." He would throw his tiny spear, miss, and yell "FORK!" Pick it up, throw it again, miss again, and scream "FORK THIS FORKING PIECE OF...hey, wait a minute!" And thus the fork was invented, named, and (after about a hundred more misses) used as a stabbing weapon, rather than a projectile. Now, if this ends up on wikipedia, I'm going to kill somebody...with a fork.