-Sometimes Dreaming Sucks

I wasn't planning on posting this, but I was hanging with my buddy Mike last night and promised him I would, so here goes. He and I were having a conversation and my current friend-girl (I dunno if we're at the girlfriend-boyfriend stage yet and frankly, I don't care) was in the room. Since the topic of the conversation turned more personal than I think she and I oughtta be, I told Mikeysan I'd post it up here and he could read it if he wants. So, we were on the subject of sleeping and dreaming. Lately I've been trying to sleep as little as possible. I usually get an average of 5-6 hours a night. I rarely remember my dreams and if I do, 90% of the time they are nightmares. I dunno why this is, it just...is. So the other night came as no surprise to me. You see, I have befriended the latest group of Japanese exchange studetns here at USF. I hang out with one or all of them (including my friend-girl) pretty much everyday. I am really only attracted to one, however, so it's strange that I had a nightmare about her good friend. We'll call her Kimiko for security reasons. Anyway, the dream starts out with Kimiko and I eating dinner together. We're having casual, intermittent conversation when she drops a bomb on me. She tells me my friend-girl (we'll call her Ahi-Ahi for security purposes) is going back to her native country in a few days and didn't want to tell me because she didn't want to hurt me. Now I've had abandonment issues my whole life. My parents both worked pretty hard when I was growing up. I was a latch key kid who had to learn to play alone at a pretty early age. Then they got divorced and it simply reenforced the concept. I became more of a loner that I would have liked. I've always had a few tight friends, but typically been standoffish to anyone outside my circle, thought I'm extremely outgoing and tend to command a certain amount of attention when I'm in a room full of people. These are all probably related to the abandonment thing, but I digress. The point is, I'm pretty much used to people disappearing from my life with no real warning. In the dream, though, it's quite a shock. So Kimiko goes on to say that this is a good thing because she's had a secret crush on me this whole time but didn't want to get in the way of Ahi-Ahi and my relationship. So, thouroughly convinced that Ahi-Ahi is on her way out, angry and sad at the fact that she hadn't told me and drunk from the win Kimiko and I had been scarfing down, I fell into the moment and hooked up with Kumiko. Who am I to deny her what she wants and if she wants me, then so be it. This is where the strange and emotional dream turns into a nightmare. Mid-fucky-sucky, Ahi-Ahi walks in the room. Now these two don't live togther in real life, but in the dream they are roomies. Ahi-Ahi walks in sees the two of us, pulls out a knife and kills herself right there in front of me. That's pretty much when I woke up. My wake-up point during nightmares is usually a millisecond before the tragic thing happens. It's right at the point where whatever bad shit is going down is inevitable, but for some reason I wake up just before it happens, so I don't have the satisfaction (...er, I guess closure would be the better word) of seeing it all end. Anyway, that's the dream, so Mike if you're reading this, now you know why I didn't wanna spit this one out in front of our mutual friend. It woulda been too hard to bring her into the conversation and wierd to talk about it in front of her without translating it. I know you know what I'm talking about. On a happy note, when Mike left, I walked Ahi-Ahi back to her place and gave her a big ass hug. No kiss, no nightcap, just a hug. She gave me a look that I haven't quite figured out yet. I like to think she understood exactly what that hug meant, but that would be too easy. My life's never been easy, but I wouldn't have it any other way.